I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
