I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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