Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
