My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
