Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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