We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
