He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
