I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize