um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sorry about my life...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
