Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
