You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
