Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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