Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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