Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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