how can u be prego again
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
