i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
