none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Sext me about skeletons
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
