But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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