i used baking grease as lip gloss
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
