My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize