I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
