forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
