im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
