Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
