I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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