you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
