Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
3pm strippers are depressing
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
