i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
