I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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