last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
