You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize