I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
