Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
