You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
