He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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