This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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