Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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