I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
