He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
