i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just high enough for therapy.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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