I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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