i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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