After last night, I could never be a politician.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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