How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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