EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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