Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
