omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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