Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
