one might say we're banned from that church
I think I won the penis lottery.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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