I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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