he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
