you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
