I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize