He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
