btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
