On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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