Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
