Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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