bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
