What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
