life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
its not stalking. its research.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
