I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
