No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
