She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
