He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
How does one acquire holy water?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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