hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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