so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
